and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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