You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
