She is in my trunk
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
