he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
