i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
