I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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