nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
