everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
