after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
