I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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