We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize