I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
