I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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