Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
