There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
