Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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