Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
