Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize