I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
