eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize
