About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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