i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
