My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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