i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
