Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
