Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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