oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
