It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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