I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
