The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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