I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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