Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
