i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
