Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
