yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize