i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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