She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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