I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
