I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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