dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm passing your future prison.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
