there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
