I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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