So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
