I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
