Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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