i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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