I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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