my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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