I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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