If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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