someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Jerry, you need to find god
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
