wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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