your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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