Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
