Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he fucked my hip out of place.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
