We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
