I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
