Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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